Do you feel compelled to say Yes – even when something isn’t quite right for you?

What if you could say yes… without overcommitting?

Allow me to explain.

When I work with coaching clients or teach boundary-setting workshops for teams, I teach them about the Improv Answer – Yes…and. You see, the human brain doesn’t like to hear the word No. We know what we want, and when we don’t get it, our brain throws a tantrum worthy of any 4-year-old whose mom refuses to serve ice cream for dinner.

Whether we realize it or not, we shut down a little bit after we hear the word No.

Does this mean I shouldn’t set boundaries?

Noooooo! That would be a BS-Boundary, and I’d never suggest that. However, there is a way to respond that might make everyone happy.

Intentional Decision-Making

A few weeks ago, I got a call from one of the nonprofits my husband and I support. They were still talking about the internal workshop I’d done for them last year, and they wanted me to teach a workshop at their upcoming conference this fall.

I was honored!

However, not every “opportunity” is the right one, and I knew this decision would require a conversation with my husband.

First, we ran it through my intentional decision-making process and asked ourselves the following three questions:

1. Do I want to or have to? Have to? No. Want to? Heck yeah!
2. Do I have the resources? Sort of… They were only asking for a 45-minute workshop. So no problem there. But there was a snag when we moved to the next question.
3. Am I willing to give something else up? This was the sticking point.

First, you need to know that in order to say “yes” to an opportunity, the answer to all three of these questions needs to be yes.

The second thing you need to know is that my husband is adopted.

Sheryl, what could this possibly have to do with your decision to speak at a conference?

Great question! You see, my husband met his biological mother when he turned 50 (then his biological father, then his full-blood sister and brother). The day of the conference happens to be the very same day we are supposed to be in Seattle, meeting his entire extended family for a wedding.

Sure, I wanted to speak at the conference, but I wasn’t willing to give up the opportunity for my husband and me to meet his family.

Communicating an Alternative

When we called the founder of the nonprofit to explain our decision, she understood. The organization supports kiddos in foster, so she was just as excited for this family opportunity as we were.

Of course, she was also disappointed I couldn’t speak at their conference. No worries… we were prepared!

Using my “yes… and” response, I said: “I would absolutely love to help you, and we just can’t make that date work. How about we do 2-3 virtual workshops after the conference that are included in the ticket price? That way, attendees can get the value of the breakout in workshop form, not be inundated with information at the conference, and choose what works best for their schedule, while not requiring them to find childcare because it will be virtual.”

The answer was a resounding “yes!”

This is the beauty of the “Yes… and” response. I didn’t destroy my plans to make the “opportunity” fit, but I countered with another option so we both got our needs met.

Yes… and

The next time you are asked to do something, consider using the Yes… and approach. Here are a few examples of this response in action.

Request: “Can you babysit my kids on Tuesday?”

Response: “Yes, I’d be happy to watch your kids, and I already have plans on Tuesday. I can help you on Thursday.”

Request: “Let’s go out to celebrate my promotion tonight.”

Response: “Yes, I’d love to celebrate with you, and I have an early meeting in the morning that I need to be fresh for. Let’s get together Friday, and I’ll buy you a congratulatory drink.”

Request: “I need you to finish this (work) project by Friday.”

Response: “Yes, I’d be happy to do that, and my plate is quite full right now. How about I push (another task) to next week so I have time to do that for you?”

When you use the “Yes…and” you put the ball back into the other person’s court. If you proposed conditions work for them, awesome! If they don’t, well, they’ve now got time to find someone else who can help them.

It’s a win-win!

Conclusion

Saying “yes” doesn’t have to mean abandoning your priorities or sacrificing your well-being. “Yes…and” allows you to support the people you care about (or the boss/clients that pay your bills), while staying true to what’s best for you (and avoiding the dreaded burnout!).

If you’d like to explore how setting healthy boundaries can improve your communication, lower stress, and boost performance for you or your team, let’s chat! Click here to schedule a complimentary discovery call with me. I’d love to learn about what’s happening in your world and see how I can support you.

About Sheryl Green

Sheryl Green is all about no B.S. Boundaries for better performance. She works with teams to create workplaces that run like a well-oiled machine, keep top talent happy, and crush goals—without crushing people. Her mission is to make the world a better place… one boundary at a time. Learn more about her entertaining and illuminating programs or contact her at 702.885.4309.