How’s your sleep?

With this pesky global pandemic, I (shockingly) haven’t been sleeping the best. I fall asleep early, but sometime around 3 am, that restful night goes the way of the dodo bird. Maybe that’s due to the extra dog I’ve got in my bed (I’m fostering since people went bonkers and surrendered their fur babies at the first hint of troubles) who spends most of the evening licking his paws, or his legs, or the blanket. Or maybe it’s my stomach waking me up because apparently stress eating isn’t reserved for waking hours. But more likely, it’s because the world is upside down right now and even from the safety of my home (where I’ve spent 95% of my time), I’m still scared for my loved ones and for our society as a whole.

So as I lay in bed, there are many thoughts bouncing around in my head. The most interesting one is Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. I know, I’m a dork. But hey, I’ve got a background in psychology and I feel like if I understand why I’m feeling what I’m feeling, it’ll be a little bit easier to deal with.

Hopefully, you’re a dork like me.

If you’ve never studied it, Maslow was a psychologist who said that we have different levels of need. At the bottom of the pyramid, you see the physiological needs like breathing, food, water, sleep, and sex (though I’d argue that you can survive without sex… maybe not happily, but you’re probably not going to die). The next level up is Safety, knowing that you have enough resources like a roof over your head and a way to pay for it. Above that is Love and Belonging, then Esteem, and finally, at the top of the pyramid, you’ve got Self-Actualization. That top level is where you have your creativity, and your ability to be the best you possible.

It’s called a hierarchy because before you start working on the higher levels, you need to get the lower levels, the base of your triangle, all set.

Are you ready for why we’re all so damn out of whack right now? (Besides the obvious).

People in certain parts of China have been walking around wearing masks for years to protect them from the horrible air pollution. People in the Middle East are used to their country being at war, bombs exploding overhead, terrorists driving into stores and walking into restaurants with explosives strapped to their chests. Now, I’m certainly not saying this is good or that anyone should have to live like this, but it’s been their reality for many years.

And then you have us Americans. This is new to us. While there are certainly people living here that are food insecure or living in abusive situations where their physical safety is threatened on a daily basis, it’s not the norm. For many of us, this is the first time that we’ve had to fear for our lives just by leaving the house. It’s the first time that we’re walking into supermarkets only to find that the shelves are empty. It’s the first time that so many people have been laid off at once, and that even the individuals that still have jobs, don’t know when they’ll be seeing another paycheck. It’s the first time that business owners are forced to close their doors for public safety. (I’m not a historian, so if any of this is flat out wrong, just realize that I’m trying to make a point and please give me some leeway.)

We, as a global society, are no longer secure in our Basic Needs.

If you live alone or have chosen to quarantine alone to protect your at-risk loved ones, your need for belonging and love is now strictly limited. The plus side of this is that if you’ve got a phone or an internet connection, you’re probably Facetiming with friends and relatives that you haven’t spoken to in years and having deeper conversations than ever. But, if you’re Love Language is touch… let’s just say I hope you have a dog or cat keeping you company.

But here’s the real bitch of the situation. If you’re not actively fighting off this virus, you’re probably just stuck at home with a TON of time on your hands. Sure, you’re watching an obscene amount of Netflix, but you’re probably also seeing consistent messaging about how you should be improving yourself during this time. After all, you’ve never had free time like this before! You should be accomplishing amazing feats, learning new languages, mastering new skills, building the foundation of your business or improving upon your marketing for when they world is back to “normal,” perfecting recipes, getting in shape, cleaning out your closets, writing the Great American Novel, and figuring out how to shit rose petals so you don’t need to use toilet paper since you can’t get it anyway.

Guess what all that is… those are self-fulfillment needs. Those are the needs that you aren’t supposed to get to until your basic physiological and psychological needs are being met.

Well f**k a duck.

You’re telling me that we are supposed to strive to “be our best selves” while hoarding paper products and staying 6 feet away from other humans because they might give us the modern day plague?

Is anyone else noticing a problem here?

I’m a motivational speaker. I’ve spent the last few years sharing my story of resilience and inspiring people to rise above their challenges. I’m programmed to bring hope, to look at the bright side, be grateful, and motivate others to be strong.

Would you like to know what I did last week? I’m not sure which day was which, because they’ve all pretty much mushed together, but one day, I:

• Spent 45 minutes standing in my kitchen staring at my dog’s water bowl. Nope, nothing interesting happening in there. I just couldn’t do anything else.
• Tried to do work for a client later that day and couldn’t remember the website I needed to access in order to write their content.
• Totally skipped a Zoom call. Not on purpose, I just didn’t know what time it was.
• Had peanut butter for dinner. Not a sandwich. Not peanut butter on an apple. Just peanut butter.
• Sat in my car in my garage for 10 minutes because I’d just returned from the grocery store and had to process the experience of walking around in a face mask and rubber gloves.

Folks, if you are finding it difficult to harness the energy to learn a new language and build an ark in your backyard… that’s okay. If you are able to do that stuff, good for you. But please don’t be judging anyone else if they can’t. We are all dealing with this differently. Some people hoard toilet paper and turn into a**hats in the supermarket. Some people are running errands for their elderly neighbors. Some people are stress eating banana bread (what? Not me. What are you talking about?). Some people are learning new skills.

And you know what? Everyone is right. Well, not the a**hat in the supermarket. We’re all stressed buddy, don’t make it worse.

But other than that person, however you are handling this, as long as it’s not extremely self-destructive to you or detrimental to anyone else, it’s okay. And I’d like to make a request. For the immediate future, can we remove the word “should” from our vocabularies?

“I should be working on my business.”

“You should be teaching your children the same curriculum that they get in school.”

“I should be running 5 miles a day.”

Bah! If you want to do any of those things, by all means do. If it will make your heart happy right now, work, teach, run, bake, whatever. But if what you need at this exact moment is to stare at an empty wall while you grieve the “loss” of your normal life… do it.

I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with bettering yourself during this time. If you can do it, that’s wonderful! I’m in the middle of prepping for a book writing class so I can help people (if they are ready) write that book they’ve always wanted to write. I’ve also signed up for a course on NLP and I’m taking part in a push-up challenge.

But you know what? If it comes time to sit down and work on my course or get into push-up position and I don’t want to… I’m going to stare at the wall for a bit, eat some banana bread, and not judge myself for it.

There are going to be ups and downs during this time. And as much as I hate to admit it, it’s probably going to get worse before it gets better. But I do believe it’s going to get better. I believe that we are going to come out on the other side of this, different.

When I wrote my first book, Surviving to Thriving: How to Overcome Setbacks and Rock Your Life, I talked about the term “bounce back.” It gets thrown around a lot in regards to resilience.

“Don’t worry, you’ll bounce back.”

Frankly, I don’t want to bounce back and I hope that you don’t either. I hope you bounce forward. I hope that when we’ve passed through the shit storm that is Winter 2020, we’re better for it. I hope we’ve changed. Whether that means learning a new skill and catching up on all your projects plus some, or learning to respect our bodies and souls, and doing what we need to take care of ourselves, I just hope we’re better for it.

Stay safe out there. Tend to the lower levels of Maslow’s Hierarchy first, and when you’re ready, you can tackle the top levels. And remember that as alone as you feel right now, everyone in the world is going through it too. Take solace in the fact that we are all connected and do whatever you can to make yourself and this world, a little bit better.

And while you’re at it, check out the inspiration for this blog post.

About the Author

Sheryl Green is a New York native living and thawing in Las Vegas since 2008. After years of begging for money to support animal rescue, she discovered Cause Marketing and her life was forever changed. She now brings her knowledge of storytelling to non-fiction and content writing, working with businesses and individuals who want to position themselves as experts in their field and differentiate themselves from the competition.

Sheryl is the author of 7 books (4 have seen the light of day) and serves as the Director of Community Engagement for Hearts Alive Village Las Vegas. Learn more at www.sherylgreenspeaks.com.