Why is it so important to stay within your boundaries but step out of your comfort zone?
A History of Fear
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been afraid of water. I’d love to tell you it’s just oceans, but I can have a panic attack just by putting my face in the water in a swimming pool… while my feet are firmly planted on the bottom.
I had the water wings as a child. Maybe I even took a class or two when I was super little. However, here’s what else I’ve dealt with:
- My mom’s fear of sharks (she can’t even walk through the tunnel at the aquarium)
- Her thoughts on the ocean (fish pee in there!)
- The warrior cry my dad makes when his knees are submerged in cold water (and by warrior cry, I mean teenage girl at a pop concert)
Fear of water is pretty much ingrained in my belief system.
Looking to the Future
Well, I married a man who has spent his life surfing and would happily accept gills if given a choice of superpowers. It’s important to him that I’m not only water-safe but that I enjoy the water as much as he does. To be clear, I DO enjoy the water… it just also scares the crap out of me.
The Difference Between a Boundary and a Comfort Zone
If you look at the definitions of each, they are actually somewhat similar. Both boundaries and comfort zones are figurative places that provide a comfortable space free of excess stress. However, they are very different.
Early on in our relationship, my husband made the epic mistake of picking me up in the water and tossing me. He was just playing around and didn’t realize the psychological sh*t show that he was unleashing. After I resurfaced, I did my best to calm the heart palpitations and breathe normally while expelling the water from my sinuses… and then proceeded to hit him while screaming that he was never to do that again. I established a boundary (albeit not gracefully) around how I was willing to be treated.
However, if I refused to step out of my comfort zone (by staying in the shallow end), I’d miss out on a growth opportunity (and seeing pretty fishies in Fiji). And that, right there, is the difference between a boundary and a comfort zone. When you allow a boundary to be crossed, you likely feel terrible about yourself. You’ve determined the guidelines by which you’ll allow yourself to be treated, and now someone has gone and peed all over those guidelines. This is a step backward (though not something to beat yourself up over. Learn about how to deal with Boundary Hangovers here.)
On the other hand, stepping out of your comfort zone will produce feelings of freedom, excitement, and pride. This is an opportunity to overcome your fears, whether they are around water, heights, tigers, or clowns (and no, I will not be stepping out of that last comfort zone any time soon. Clowns are creepy, and I stand by that statement). If you have the opportunity to do something that scares you a little bit (or a lot), do it!
Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone
Once you’ve identified your comfort zone and made the conscious decision to bust out of it, you’ll need to know how to do so physically and emotionally safely. Follow these steps to embrace growth opportunities.
7 Steps to Follow
- Acknowledge your fear. Deciding to step out of your comfort zone doesn’t immediately make your fear disappear. It’s okay if you still feel scared to do something. Make friends with your fear. Say to yourself, “In this moment, I feel fear, and that’s okay.”
- Identify what you are missing out on by hiding in your comfort zone. This could be fun with friends, new experiences, or even the self-esteem boost that comes from achieving something you didn’t think you could.
- Set goals for your expansion. What areas of your comfort zone would you like to develop? No need to tackle them all at once. It’s perfectly acceptable (and advisable) to start small and work your way up to the more challenging experiences.
- Break your goals into small steps. For example, I won’t be flinging myself off a diving board into 9-foot pools or scuba diving in the Galapagos Islands in the next few weeks, but I will be standing in a pool and learning how to breathe while swimming. Venture out of your comfort zone one step at a time.
- Educate yourself on safety. If you fear heights, you needn’t go base jumping without a parachute. That will not end well. What can you do to overcome this fear SAFELY? Maybe you can go ziplining at a reputable place that uses proper harnesses and takes every precaution possible to keep you safe.
- Surround yourself with supportive people. Unless you are someone who is inspired by humiliation, you’ll want to share your goals with people who will encourage you, lift you up, and help you manage your fears.
- Give yourself some grace. Much like you don’t wake up one day with healthy boundaries, stepping out of your comfort zone is also a journey. It takes time, and while one day you may be floating in the ocean only mildly concerned about being eaten by a Great White, the next day, your anxiety may be heightened. Show yourself some compassion and treat yourself as you would your best friend or child.
Life is full of growth opportunities. While maintaining healthy boundaries are essential to a healthy and happy life, understanding the difference between boundaries and comfort zones, and then pushing the latter, will help you live the fullest life possible. For more tips on creating boundaries for a better business and life, visit www.SherylGreenSpeaks.com/boundary-bites
What comfort zone do you need to step out of?
About the Author
Sheryl Green is a Mental Health speaker and author who works with individuals and organizations to establish healthy boundaries to improve relationships, communication, and well-being. Her mission is to make the world a better place… one boundary at a time. Learn more about her entertaining and illuminating programs or contact her at 702.885.4309.
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